ok

140 hours and counting or 5 days 20 hours and counting. how ever you want to look at it

a string of floss

the line between smoking and not smoking today has been about as wide as a string of floss. ive tettered on the lime most of the day. i havent crossed it yet, so that makes it ummm 46 1/2 hours i think. at times it feels like its been a month.

i have been outside a couple times today to umm go have a smoke but stopped myself. every time that urge gets to strong i ask myself is this the breaking point. is that all i can take. and a couple times the answer has been yes. then i go outside to get my smokes and i ask myself if this is the breaking point do i really want to go thru this again starting over. and that has kept me from smoking so far. if any one thinks about starting to smoke, ill say dont do it just so you dont have to quit.

i honestly dont know if the urge will hit the point where i have to have one. i know ive been on that line a couple times. ive heard that day 3 is the hardest day. so we will see what tomorrow brings. i continue to fight it one urge at a time.

torture

thats the easiest way to discribe today. its wensday which means class #2 of my stop smoking class. we even had homework for today. the homework was not to have a smoke before class. i usually have my first smoke within 15 mins of waking up. so i had to be up at 630 and out the door by 7. no smoke for the first 30 mins. then from 7 to 8 to get to loma linda. so 1 1/2 hours no smoke. class from 8 to 11. another 3 hours no smoke. i have to be honest that was super hard. then i figured you know what i hadnt had a smoke today. my last smoke was right before midnight so i thought well lets se how this goes. so im on umm 21 hours without a smoke. and ill be 100% honest it has been pure hell.

its hard to discribe what its like to quit, or try to quit. mark twain said "its easy to quit smoking, i have done it a 100 times" my dad quit cold turkey. they say 1 in 1000 people who quit (not 1 in 1000 who smoke but those who quit) are able to do it cold turkey. im not a math wizz but i think thats 1% of 1 %. let me tell you right now im not one of those 1 in 1000. we watched a video in class today about brain activity in smokers and coke users. althou the side effects of each are diffrent, the brain processes both the same. think about that. the brain process smoking a cigarrette like it does for someone using coke. they have rehab for people who use coke. never heard of rehab for smokers.

so i have gone 21 hours without smoking and boy do i really really really REALLY want one. im not saying i wont smoke another smoke, or that i will smoke again. im just taking it urge by urge and trying to battle each one that comes up. does that mean if i have another one i failed at stopping to smoke. no not at all. this is a process. if i last 21 hours and 10 mins, or 24 hours or 48 hours and then i have a smoke well then i try again. and i fight the battle hopefully having learned something so next time i can go longer, until i have had my last smoke.

smoking

i posted earlier i think( i dont remember what i blog about) about stopping smoking. anyways i signed up for a stop smoking class and my first class was today. will be every wensday of the month of may. so i had my first class today (i had to wake up before the sun did btw) and it went well. me and the doctor set a target date of may 27th to stop smoking. i have pills i have to take for 3 weeks. the pills give the brain a false sense of the smoking sensation to help ween you off of smokes. then after those 3 weeks you stop smoking and go on the patch for 8 weeks i think it is to ween you off the nicoteen.

what i have decided to do is take the money i would spend on smokes and each day i dont buy a pack of smokes ill put that money in a bucket. ill do that for one year.. smokes are $5 a pack. so if i do that for a year at the end of the year ill have 1800ish dollars saved.