torture

thats the easiest way to discribe today. its wensday which means class #2 of my stop smoking class. we even had homework for today. the homework was not to have a smoke before class. i usually have my first smoke within 15 mins of waking up. so i had to be up at 630 and out the door by 7. no smoke for the first 30 mins. then from 7 to 8 to get to loma linda. so 1 1/2 hours no smoke. class from 8 to 11. another 3 hours no smoke. i have to be honest that was super hard. then i figured you know what i hadnt had a smoke today. my last smoke was right before midnight so i thought well lets se how this goes. so im on umm 21 hours without a smoke. and ill be 100% honest it has been pure hell.

its hard to discribe what its like to quit, or try to quit. mark twain said "its easy to quit smoking, i have done it a 100 times" my dad quit cold turkey. they say 1 in 1000 people who quit (not 1 in 1000 who smoke but those who quit) are able to do it cold turkey. im not a math wizz but i think thats 1% of 1 %. let me tell you right now im not one of those 1 in 1000. we watched a video in class today about brain activity in smokers and coke users. althou the side effects of each are diffrent, the brain processes both the same. think about that. the brain process smoking a cigarrette like it does for someone using coke. they have rehab for people who use coke. never heard of rehab for smokers.

so i have gone 21 hours without smoking and boy do i really really really REALLY want one. im not saying i wont smoke another smoke, or that i will smoke again. im just taking it urge by urge and trying to battle each one that comes up. does that mean if i have another one i failed at stopping to smoke. no not at all. this is a process. if i last 21 hours and 10 mins, or 24 hours or 48 hours and then i have a smoke well then i try again. and i fight the battle hopefully having learned something so next time i can go longer, until i have had my last smoke.